Bonne fête du Canada!

Today – July 1st, 2011 – marks the 144th celebration of Canada Day, the anniversary of the formation of the British North America provinces into a federal dominion under the name Canada. This year, the ceremony on Parliament Hill in Ottawa was graced by the newly married Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William and Catherine Middleton, who began their tour of Canada with a visit to the capital city. There is also a partial solar eclipse in the sky today (only visible in Antarctica).

I lived in Ottawa between 1995 and 2000, and returned to the city in 2004 for a short visit. I have not lived as a resident of Canada for the past 11 years. I’ve lived as an expatriate in three different countries during that time. By definition, the word “expatriate” has a negative connotation. It implies banishment or exile from one’s country of origin, whether willful or not. It also implies a lack of love or distaste for one’s home country. For me, this is a misnomer. I love Canada, and I miss it on a daily basis. I’ll always remember the words used by Canadian illustrator, John Howe, to end his presentation at IdeaCity 2006 in Toronto:

I haven’t been back to Canada very often, so Canada is in a way my imagined country. It’s the country I dream of. It’s the passport to which I cling resolutely, like a lost sailor in a stormy sea.

(Click here to view the entire presentation; highly recommended).

For the uneducated, John Howe is best known for his works based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s worlds. He was one of the lead concept artists (along with English illustrator, Alan Lee) for Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies and the upcoming prequel movies based on The Hobbit. Born on August 21, 1957 (making him a Leo) in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, John Howe studied at Ecole des Arts Décoratifs in Strasbourg, France, after graduating from high school (Strasbourg is a beautiful city, by the way). He currently lives in Switzerland with his wife and son. John Howe is also an expert swordsman. There are tales and videos on the Internet and on the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition DVDs that depict him wearing armour and sparring with other employees of Peter Jackson’s project using steel blades. While I know plenty of Canadians living abroad that do not possess the skill of wielding blades (or any weapons for that matter), medieval swordsmanship is a curious connection that John Howe and I share.

I got a little sidetracked there. To continue, I often felt like a lost sailor in a stormy sea during my time outside of Canada. Being away from my home country has given me a better appreciation for it. When I lived in Canada, I used to say, “I’m Chinese-Canadian.” Now when people ask me about my citizenship, I just say, “I’m Canadian”. Growing up and being educated in Canada had the greatest impact on the person I am today: my open-mindedness; my expansive imagination; my respect for the natural world; hell, even my unnatural (I’m Asian, remember) tolerance to alcohol. My greatest and longest friendships originated in Canada and continue to exist to this day.

I’ve often said and written that I left Canada because the country wasn’t ready for me yet. I’ve sometimes wondered if the reverse were actually true: that I wasn’t ready for Canada. The paradoxical truth of it is that it’s likely a combination of the two ideas. I left Canada to see the world; to see and experience new things. I’ve learned a great deal about myself, about this spaceship we call Earth, and the people that inhabit it. I’ve been allowed the freedom to learn many new skills that I may have overlooked while living in a comfortable environment. I’m certainly not the same boy when I left Canada, both psychologically and physiologically. In many ways, I have become “ready” to return to Canada, but I wouldn’t have become ready unless I left the country. Paradox.

This is not to write that I will return to Canada any time soon. Believe me, I would love to return to my family home in Toronto, take care of my parents, landscape the garden, finish the basement, dance the night away at Nocturne, live in a multi-cultural city, and shoot the shit with my close friends. One of the things I miss about Canada is LARPing. Yes, that stands for Live Action Role Playing. I’m not going to get into detail about it, because there’s plenty of lore and information via Google. If you live in Toronto and would like to try LARP, visit Underworld. If I could live in Toronto and work in film and television projects abroad, it would be a dream come true. Financially, it would be the best possible scenario for me. While they don’t admit it, I believe my parents would like me to return to Toronto. Of course, they’d prefer if I worked in an office and stayed away from acting. No one in my family line has ever become a full-time actor; I’m the first one. I can understand their apprehension to the idea; there’s no precedent set. It makes them afraid. Hell, it makes ME afraid too.

I was born under the sign of Sagittarius. I can’t think of another family member that was born under that sign; certainly none of my immediate family. I’m the middle child in a family of Fixed signs (Scorpio and Taurus – Fixed Water and Fixed Earth, respectively). Sagittarius: the great adventurer; the world traveler; the most mutable of the Fire signs. Of course, what happens when you imprison fire? It dies. So the question on my mind now is: will returning to Canada allow me to thrive and burn creatively? Or will circumstances trap me – surround me – and eventually snuff me out?

The decision is looming.